Dude! I heard that Ten Benson was banned from the Playboy Mansion because all the Bunnies ended up with exhaustion, and then they made a pass at Hef!

Dude, that’s nothing! I heard that their band is named after how many Robert Guillaume TV series tanked in the ratings!

Aw, dude, no way. I heard that The Mighty Benson himself bit the head off a bunny onstage! Okay, it was a Marshmallow Peeps bunny, but still, that symbolism is hardcore!

Okay, so I doubt modern kids are going to be as naïve as I was in junior high school, when me and my compatriots ate up all the press nonsense about such ‘evil’ bands as AC/DC, Scorpions and the dark lord himself, Mr. Osbourne (as in, “would you like to buy some of our effin’ Girl Scout cookies, sir”), but for all the silliness a great portion of that music lyrically comprises now, the truth of the matter is that the musicianship was always first-rate. As half a throwback and have a satirical jab, Ten Benson’s “Benson Burner” is rather a nice slab of chunkiness.

I have to qualify myself by saying that there has to be a thread of satire in this; there just has to be. How could I convince you that this group from the UK, sporting the persona of a deranged band of ‘Deliverance’-styled American rednecks, singing songs like “Rock Cottage” and “Under Heavy Riffage” is one hundred percent bona fide? Well, I can’t. But I can tell you I had a lot of fun listening to “Benson Burner”, as amped-up and dumbed-down as it may seem. The lyrics are trashy and not ready for pedestrian ears, particularly on the cuts “Nobody’s Wife” and “Tits”, which makes the most of the call-and-response gag when the word “Bangkok” is commandeered. Chris Teckham’s voice is rough, unpolished and occasionally grating, but after almost a decade’s worth of vocalists fed through harmonizers and vocoders like chuck steak, I will gladly take it. It just works, that’s all.

Ah, but in the best sense of those late 70s and early 80s icons like Bon Scott-era AC/DC or Scorpions, lyrics are superfluous. The attention getter is that thick, chunk-style lead guitar from Paul Summers, with guitar support from Teckham. It creates all kinds of moral conflicts in a man: do you turn it up like the music’s begging for or do you turn it down, to avoid embarrassment of those filthy, filthy minds? Once again, you do get the feeling they’re in on the joke, not like Andrew W.K. who seems to actually buy what he’s selling. Think Ween, think Ben Folds Five, but think harder.

But with everything, there’s a downside. I cannot say that I would race to the wall unit and pull “Benson Burner” out of the rack for any occasion. This is one of those discs you have to be in the mood for and, in that, its appeal might be limited to a lot of people. Regardless, I was in just enough of that mood when I gave the disc the first spin. I enjoyed it on subsequent listens too and I think folks with a healthy sense of humor and an appreciation for heavy riffage won’t mind this disc contaminating the rest of the collection.

As for the best cuts, “Sweat Part 2”, the short instrumental piece, is awesome and absurd all at once and “I Don’t Buy It” elicited the most head-bouncing from my clique. The shocker is the elegiac “Oh General” at the end of the disc. Clocking in at a little more than six minutes, it seems to have a sober-minded opinion of the media fascination of war and its coverage, how it turns soldiers into celebrities and the fundamental wrong-mindedness of conflict for television ratings. Really! Just when you might have written off The Mighty Benson as Spinal Tap wannabes, they smack you with a scathing conviction.

Ten Benson’s “Benson Burner” is not for everyone, and it’s not for everyone all the time, but like a cold one kept frosty in the toilet tank when you’re hot and thirsty, it sure does satisfy.

Dude!!

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Dark Forces
One Way Ticket
Tits
The Loozin' Line
Rock Cottage
Robot Tourist
Sweat Pt 2
I Don't Buy It
Nobody's Wife
Under Heavy Riffage
Black Snow
Oh General