Just so you know, I hate Bob Pollard.

As a fledgling indie rock auteur, I have slaved away on four track cassette monsters from hell, digital recording programs I’m convinced even NASA can’t crack and have tried to let my love of garage rock ‘n roll and Brit Invasion influences shine through my obvious labors. Meanwhile, here’s this guy who can throw ten darts at a time and at least seven of them hit the bulls-eye guaranteed. I can’t understand half of his cryptic lyrics, yet coming from him, they all sound quite sensible, almost imperative. Even his fifty- second efforts have a completeness to them that I can’t accomplish in five and a half minutes. He has wowed audiences during some of GBV’s legendary club shows and, at a number of them, he’s self-admittedly drunk out of his mind.

I envy this guy. And as his publishing name, Needmore Songs, attests, he’s prolific too, even now that he’s recording in-studio. “The Pipe Dreams of Instant Prince Whippet”, an offering on Pollard’s Fading Captain Series imprint seems to have been recorded concurrent to the band’s return to independent stalwart Matador Records. In essence, these are considered cast-offs from the cream of the crop.

Damn you, Pollard! Even your weak sisters are keepers.

While technically an EP, there’s no such thing in GBV land. Ten tracks of disparate lengths sound as vital as any rough and ready garage rock offering from the 1970s, usually clocking in at the half hour mark as well. The opening “Visit This Place” is a guitar puncher that channels a Who-like energy while the second track, “Swooping Energies” has a stomping, sleazy feel of its own. The title track has a Beatlesque, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” kind of bounce to it and I still haven’t a clue what half the lyrics mean.

Maybe that’s the point. As sure as Phillip Seymour Hoffman channeled Lester Bangs in “Almost Famous”, stating that rock wasn’t about big messages and changing the world, but about electricity and rebellion and sometimes just dumb fun, Pollard takes it all in his mad scientist’s lab, cooks these bizarre couplets golden brown and then ties them onto some of the catchiest hooks in the business. It’s not about the big picture. It’s about getting you to sing along, even though you’re not exactly sure what it is.

Another date with scud? What did that mean? That was how many discs ago and you still haven’t explained yourself, Pollard!

The best track is arguably “Dig Through My Window”, featuring the string quartet, Invert. When it’s time to take things down, Pollard comes through yet again. I felt for the guy, once and only once, when former label TVT Records tried to market the single “Hold On Hope” to the mainstream. It was produced by Ric Ocasek, it was touching and tender and strange and nothing came of it. On “Whippet”, Pollard gives “Dig” just as much oomph, as much heart, and he didn’t need any help to do it. “Hold On Hope” should have been a number one hit. “Dig Through My Window” should be a number one hit. In a world where Dobie Gray’s perfect rendition of “Drift Away” isn’t perfect enough to ward off lesser remakes, I guess GBV won’t be media darlings any time soon.

Is the disc worth your money? Begrudgingly, yes. Sure, this guy achieves in every aspect I can only aspire to. Sure, he could probably make a song about passing gas seem like an anthem. Sure, he can drink you under the table and still make you think rock ain’t dead. But petty jealousy can’t alter the truth that “The Pipe Dreams Of Instant Prince Whippet” is one more fine addition to the discography-of-plenty.

Curse you, Pollard. Foiled again.

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Visit This Place
Swooping Energies
Keep It Coming
Actions Speak Volumes
Stronger Lizards
The Pipe Dreams of Instant Prince Whippet
Request Pharmaceuticals
For Liberty
Dig Through My Window
Beg For A Wheelbarrow