Britny Fox Springhead Motorshark
Released: July 29, 2003 Origination Year: 2003 Time: 43:38 Tracks: 11 Produced by: Tommy Paris & Michael Kelly Smith Style: Studio Format: CD Enhancement: CD Videos Label: Spitfire Records Website: www.britnyfox.com
Track Listing Pain Freaktown T.L.U.C. (For You) LA Springhead Motorshark Is It Real? Coup D'etat Far Enough Lonely Ones Memorial Sri Lanka
Britny Fox Thomas Paris: Vocals / Guitar / Keyboards Michael Kelly Smith: Guitars / Backing Vocals Billy Childs: Bass / Backing Vocals Johnny Dee: Drums

Riddle me this: just what the hell is a Springhead Motorshark anyway, why does it deserve a two-minute instrumental track, why does it deserve to be the title to an entire album and what does a picture of a full suit of armor on the cover have to do with any of it? These are questions that have itched me ever since I laid eyes on the comeback album by late-80s hair metal act Britny Fox, and I have yet to get an answer. Is it just a random grouping of words that have no meaning whatsoever? That couldn’t be too hard to do, let’s see… Riverfoot Gastankdolphin… Babblingbrooknostril Crankshaftpufferfish. See, I can make up words too.

You want to know what my initial guess was? Nothing. Springhead Motorshark doesn’t mean anything and the armor is there for no reason whatsoever. Could I be wrong? Quite possibly. Is this album, the first release of all-new material by the band in twelve years, giving me any reason to investigate further? Not at all, and therein lies the problem.

The line-up for Springhead Motorshark is the same as their third and, most assumed, final release, Bite Down Hard in 1991. This featured original members Michael Kelly Smith on guitars, Billy Childs on bass and Johnny Dee on drums along with newcomer Tommy Paris handling vocal and keyboard duties. However, the band had seen their biggest success on their self-titled debut in 1988. While certified gold (500,000 copies sold) in the U.S., the band never did reach the superstar status afforded such hair metal bands as Poison and Motley Crue, among others and following two less successful attempts, seemingly called it quits.

So, twelve years have passed. They’re on a new label, Spitfire Records, and in a very different musical climate. It’s only been in the last few years that a number of hair-metal era artists have again made a rumble in the industry: arguably the most successful “comeback” as it were, Bon Jovi returned after a five-year hiatus to release the massive Crush in 2000, Guns and Roses front man Axl Rose swore for the billionth time that Chinese Democracy would soon be released and even played a snippet of one of the new songs on the MTV Video Music Awards and Def Leppard, while never really retired, presented a return to the sound that had made them famous with Euphoria in 1999 and followed it up with X in 2002. Other bands have thrown their hats in the ring as well including efforts by Poison, Motley Crue and Firehouse, all with mixed and, usually disappointing results. The climate, while very different, apparently seemed right enough for Britny Fox to put on the gloves and fight, too. So, the question remains: is Streamfinger Dipstickseal a knockout?

In a word: no. The best way to describe this album: all of the songs feel tepid, like a once wild dog that’s since been neutered. Now, I’m no Britny Fox expert, I believe they had one semi-big hit for the life of me I can’t remember, but if it sounded as generally forgettable as this, I can’t understand why they even were afforded moderate success.

Songs “Pain” and “Freaktown” attempt toughness but come off feeling hollow, as if the entire band’s on automatic. There’s nothing noticeably bad, nor anything that stands out as being good. Too much ends up sounding like the band has taken one too many nods from other musicians. Paris gives us some interesting harmonies on openers “Pain” and “Freaktown” but, most noticeably on “Pain”, they sound so much like Geoff Tate (Queensryche) I briefly had an urge to check the liner notes for guests while Mr. Big might want to ask for royalty checks as acoustic ballad “Is It Real?” shares suspicious similarities to that band’s acoustic sing along classic “Be With You”. One gets the impression Paris, Smith and co. are playing everything, and I mean everything, by the numbers. Insert impassioned vocal line here, insert ripping guitar solo there, etc. And speaking of guitar solos, why the hell would "Coup D’etat", a decidedly lukewarm 39-second solo, get its own track listing? Smith, you’re a pretty good guitarist, but you’re not that good.

The capper to all of this is that I don’t think I would be so damn annoyed by this album if it wasn’t for the fact that I really think it could have been a lot more. I mean it’s plainly obvious these are all talented musicians. While Paris’ keyboards for some unknown reason sometime sound like they’re being performed on a “My First Casio”, I know the man can play; he might just need to update his equipment. And Michael Kelly Smith really is a good guitarist – not a “this solo is so mind-blowingly, stomach-emptying awesome it needs its own track” good but definitely no slouch. Johnny Dee is a simple but solid drummer and Childs actually co-writes two of the more enjoyable tracks on here in “Far Enough” and “Memorial”. But, as I have already said, this album is just so turgid and predictable that it leaves so little an impression on me besides disappointment.

Twelve years later, this band is given a new lease on life. Far, far away from a time when stone washed jeans, ALF and feather coifed do’s were all the rage, on a label less likely to force them into a certain kind of mold, Britny Fox had an opportunity to explode back into the industry with such a force they couldn’t help but be noticed. Instead, they opt to play it so safe on Spinehead Motorshark that their big return will soon fade into obscurity with nary a murmur, if it hasn’t already fallen well under the radar.